Self Cleaning Ovens

Remember the days when your mother would put on the yellow gloves, and spray the heck out the oven with Easy-Off? http://www.consumeraffairs.com/homeowners/easy_off_over_cleaner.html That stuff was so potent. The fumes alone would kill a small animal or child. But mother would be there spraying away, breathing in the toxic fumes all to get that oven clean. The back of the can even discusses how you should not get it on your skin for fear of burning. She would spray it on at night and then go to bed. Why before bed? How the heck could you have great dreams knowing what daunting task was waiting for you when you awoke. Maybe you would forget thinking it was a bad dream. You would wake up and be greeted in the kitchen to the aroma of your new Mr. Coffee maker (cutting edge appliance during those years) only to have the beauty of the morning come to a screeching halt. It was like a bad movie playing in the kitchen:

"Oven Cleaning Part II the sequel was about to take place."

This is when you would have to open the oven to see a foamy mess ready to be scraped up! You would snap your lovely yellow latex gloves into place and finish what the nighttime started. Since during those days paper towels were at a premium in my house mom would use newspaper. Down on the hands and knees she would enter the cavernous oven scraping out the residue that was once spilled gravy from the Swanson's chicken and gravy or grease from the bad piece of steak she broiled the hell out of until it was the consistency of shoe leather. The mouth of the oven swallowed her up for what seemed like hours. Once the main poison and monthly drippings were removed she would then wash the entire space down with a sponge and water. Ah and to then sit back and admire your hard work and the sparkle in the oven. What she was really thinking is "I am not going to cook another damn meal in this thing, it's all crock pot from here on out!"

How luck are we to now have self cleaning ovens. When mine gets ugly, before I head out for the day I flip on the self cleaning mode, shut the doors to the kitchen so the fumes don't set off the smoke alarms, and come back three hours later and voila clean oven! Sure I should maybe wipe it down with a sponge after to get the last bits out but why bother, it's just going to bake out the next time I make another fabulous meal.

The KB will never clean an oven the old fashion way. If your oven isn't self cleaning get another one or hire a maid.

Getting Ready

In three days me and four of my guests will be sitting down to a feast that will be over in less than 60 minutes. They will all eat what I hope to be a delicious meal. All consuming flavors that make their tongues wanting more and filling up their belly's until they can barely think about every eating again.

In most instances not one of these guests has any idea how many hours went into this preparation. Please don't get me wrong the KB is not complaining. The KB is hear to educate in hopes of providing you with an appreciation of this meal we call Thanksgiving.

My meal has been in the planning stages for at least one month. First, the decision was made as to whether or not I would undertake this wonderful meal. After going back an forth the second big decision was who will have the pleasure of enjoying the fruits of the KB's labor. After much thought I decided it was going to be a very intimate meal to be enjoyed by myself, my partner, and the rest of the guests would be chosen by my housemate. After all she is my family and has her own extended family with whom she wanted to enjoy this day of thanks with. It just so happens that both of her guests are not American and don't celebrate this day, but maybe that is best as they will appreciate the food all that much more.

For weeks I have been reviewing the many magazines I received, looking over past meals, checking out articles in the food section of the newspaper, watching cooking demos on morning news programs, hoping to find just the right dishes to prepare for my feast. What can I do to make this a very unique and memorable turkey day. One that your mother didn't make for you growing up but a new Thanksgiving with a modern twist.

Sure there will be the turkey, stuffing, potato, vegetables and of course dessert. But who wants something that you can just go and pay $100 already prepared from Whole Foods. O.k. so maybe my meal isn't so unique but you be the judge:

• Pomegranate martinis
• Roasted chestnuts with cumin salt
• Butternut squash and apple soup
• Wild mushroom stuffing
• Port wine gravy
• Herb roasted Willie Bird (http://www.williebird.com/) brined of course
• Mashed potatoes with sour cream, horseradish and chives
• Sweet potatoe sticks
• Roasted organic cauliflower with lemon mustard sauce
• Grated roasted Brussels spouts with Parmesan and hazelnut
• Petite peas with roasted mushrooms and shallots
• Cranberry and kumquat relish
• Dinner rolls
• Mini pumpkin cheese cakes with cinnamon cream
• Rum raisin apple pie

It is now three days before the big day and only one more trip to the grocery store is necessary. Most all the ingredients were purchased over the weekend by going to the local farmers market. The turkey will be picked up at the local Deli on Wednesday to then be plunged into a large brine mixture in hopes of retaining the moistness that most childhood turkeys lacked. (Well then again we always had Butterball with the little pop up thermometer.)

The linens have all been picked out and purchased, this took two trips to the store because the first cloth was too small, and then the napkins weren't to my liking so the entire look was changed. They now only have to be washed and ironed. The flowers will be purchased on Tuesday morning and put together for centerpieces that evening. If all goes well the meal preparations will begin on Tuesday night and continue right up until the guests arrive. The goal is to not have too much to finish so that I may too enjoy my time with my guests.

I am fortunate to have a friend who works in the wine industry. I took a trip to Sonoma to pick up the wine that will accompany my meal. I choose a 2004 Pinot Noir from Sonoma County. It is from Chateau St. Jean. Yet another fabulous wine from this vineyard. I have also purchased a white for those who still think you can't have red with turkey.

As you can see there is lots of time spent on the details of the meal. It isn't just something you can throw together. When the KB plans a meal of the importance there is lots of love that goes into it. So the next time you enjoy a meal prepared by someone else, take a moment and really appreciate the effort which was put into that work of art you are about to bite into. In most instances it wasn't just the preparation but the planning of every detail. And for those of you who pay to have a meal of this nature catered you will now understand why you are paying a bit more than you expected, it just isn't about the ingredients.

Gobble Gobble from KB!

Food glorious food

It's everywhere, on tv, in my newspaper, in my bedroom, in the hallway, on the coffee table, in the kitchen and even in my bathroom. What am I talking about? Food writing. I am obsessed with food writing. I subscribe to the following magazines:

• Gourmet
• Sauveur
• Food & Wine
• Bon Apetite
• Cooks Illustrated

Additionally I receive every culinary catalogue known to man kind:

• Sur La Table
• Crate & Barrel
• Williams & Sonoma
• Napa Style
• Chefs Catalogue
• Spices
• Country Kitchen
• Omaha Steaks
• Stonewall Kitchen

And I can't even begin to discuss my obsession with cook books. I haven't counted them last but I would say there are about 125 cookbooks on my packed book shelf and now spilling over onto the dining room side table and my bedroom.

My roommate never questions it but I know she must be sick of the stacks on the coffee table, or the packages that arrive and wondering why I need yet another cookbook. Well let me explain:

As long as I can remember I have loved everything about food. I enjoy going into the grocery store, cooking shops, new restaurants, old restaurants, street food vendors etc. I have dreamed about what I can do with this passion of mine. I even went to culinary school and spent $40,000 that I am desperately trying to pay back. But what have I done with it nothing? My cookbooks and magazines provide me with that fulfillment. They bring me to another world. When my day is bad or I want to fantasize I escape into my private world of food. My fantasy world. I am that person in the Bon Appetite traveling and writing about the joys of White Truffles from Italy. I am the person making an elegant dinner for friends. I am that person testing out the newest All-Clad pan. I can have the most shitty day and my fantasy world takes me to another place.

For example, this week I was told I can't finish the final stages of my teeth implants due to the lack of $2,500 (You may be thinking if you didn't spend so much on your books, magazines and food you could have the money but don't because that is an ugly thought!) It has put me in a big funk. Not only has it become the bain of my existence but I was looking forward to having a party and making baby back ribs and corn on the cobs with Macintosh apples for dessert. I am tired of cutting everything up like they will do in about 30 years when I am in the hallway of some bad nursing home with a drool bib on waiting to be fed. I digress....

Every night of this bad week I would go home and look forward to my food writing. On my transit home I would dive into Ruth Reichl's Garlic and Sapphires http://www.reviewsofbooks.com/garlic_and_sapphires/ wishing to be her going from place to place in disguise. Upon arrival to my home I would hope there was a new culinary magazine, culinary catalogue or even a Safeway, Tower, Molley Stones or Cala flyer (I love seeing what is on sale and deciding if I have a new creation in my future, in fact I get angry when they get tossed out prior to me reading them). If nothing new arrives I always have my old magazines to review again and again, I know there is something I must have missed. This past week I decided to dust off an old Betty Crocker Cookbook, you know the one your mother had with the red and white checks. In it I found exactly what I was looking for, a simple recipe for Popovers. why popovers? I had very little in my refrigerator but I knew I had milk, eggs, butter and some Parmesan cheese. Immediately popovers came to mind. See how my mind works!

I took great delight in escaping into my kitchen banging out a simple popover recipe. Realizing I had a nice bottle of wine waiting I popped one open. Nothing goes better with popovers than a $90 bottle of Cinque Cepage
from Chateau St. Jean http://www.chateaustjean.com/stjean/home.jsp. Popovers aside drinking wine and sitting on the sofa flipping through my magazines while Rachel Ray makes yet another bad meal in 30 minutes (Heck she can make a full Thanksgiving meal in 60 minutes...she is becoming so annoying!)

I could go on and on. But you see what food literature does for me. I escape, I pretend, I dream. The next time you have a bad day, give it a try. A true foodie will understand.

If it calms the KITCHEN BITCH then it can work for anyone!