Oyster Buzz Kill!

I didn't have my first raw oyster until my 30th birthday, which was 10 years ago. My first experience was at Zuni in San Francisco. That place has perfected the art of selling oysters.

Move forward 10 years. To me I can't think of a better pairing than oysters and champagne. When I go out for a nice evening and oysters are on the menu my heart skips a beat. To me there is something romantic about oysters. Who would have ever thought I these words would pass my lips. Most people take a look at these little creatures and it just conjures of thoughts of flem coughed up from some truck drive who has been smoking for the past 30 years.

I on the other hand can be bought with the oyster champagne combination. I have always said that if I had a date and they brought me out and on their own ordered oysters and champagne I was theirs! It makes me weak! A little over a year ago I brought the guy I was dating to a nice neighborhood establishment on a night where they had Tuesday night oysters from 6:00 to 7:30 at a small price of $1.00 per oyster. I was all set!

We arrived at 7:00 pm, were immediately seated and I made sure the waitress knew my desire for oysters. I asked for the wine list to see what champagne choices I had available to me. I ordered a fabulous vintage that was $25 per glass. I ordered one for me and my date knowing oysters and champagne had to be any one's favorite. The champagne came along, we ordered oysters and then within 5 minutes after my first sip of champagne the waitress popped my champagne bubble. "Excuse me sir the chef said there are no more oyster for this evening." Mind you at that point it was maybe 7:15 pm and I still had 15 minutes to indulge.

Well the true KB came out in me. "Well given that I came here for the oyster special and ordered this most lovely glass of champagne knowing I would have oysters, I have decided that you can take both glasses of this champagne off my bill and bring us water." Silence...."I'll be right back". Guess what...the chef managed to find oysters to shuck! God knows if he coughed up his own personal oyster to add to the mix, but I didn't care I had what I came for!

I recently tried to recreate this "romantic" oyster champagne experience in my own home. I was fortunate to be given 2 dozen Washington State oysters and two lovely bottles of Champagne. I invited a few people to share this treat with. I haven't shucked an oyster in over 4 years. The only thing I can say is leave the oyster shucking to the restaurant. This process totally ruined my enjoyment for this most wonderful treat. I was slurping them down but it just didn't seem the same. From now on this KB will go out and allow a professional to shuck and serve this most delicious critter.

Self Cleaning Ovens

Remember the days when your mother would put on the yellow gloves, and spray the heck out the oven with Easy-Off? http://www.consumeraffairs.com/homeowners/easy_off_over_cleaner.html That stuff was so potent. The fumes alone would kill a small animal or child. But mother would be there spraying away, breathing in the toxic fumes all to get that oven clean. The back of the can even discusses how you should not get it on your skin for fear of burning. She would spray it on at night and then go to bed. Why before bed? How the heck could you have great dreams knowing what daunting task was waiting for you when you awoke. Maybe you would forget thinking it was a bad dream. You would wake up and be greeted in the kitchen to the aroma of your new Mr. Coffee maker (cutting edge appliance during those years) only to have the beauty of the morning come to a screeching halt. It was like a bad movie playing in the kitchen:

"Oven Cleaning Part II the sequel was about to take place."

This is when you would have to open the oven to see a foamy mess ready to be scraped up! You would snap your lovely yellow latex gloves into place and finish what the nighttime started. Since during those days paper towels were at a premium in my house mom would use newspaper. Down on the hands and knees she would enter the cavernous oven scraping out the residue that was once spilled gravy from the Swanson's chicken and gravy or grease from the bad piece of steak she broiled the hell out of until it was the consistency of shoe leather. The mouth of the oven swallowed her up for what seemed like hours. Once the main poison and monthly drippings were removed she would then wash the entire space down with a sponge and water. Ah and to then sit back and admire your hard work and the sparkle in the oven. What she was really thinking is "I am not going to cook another damn meal in this thing, it's all crock pot from here on out!"

How luck are we to now have self cleaning ovens. When mine gets ugly, before I head out for the day I flip on the self cleaning mode, shut the doors to the kitchen so the fumes don't set off the smoke alarms, and come back three hours later and voila clean oven! Sure I should maybe wipe it down with a sponge after to get the last bits out but why bother, it's just going to bake out the next time I make another fabulous meal.

The KB will never clean an oven the old fashion way. If your oven isn't self cleaning get another one or hire a maid.

Getting Ready

In three days me and four of my guests will be sitting down to a feast that will be over in less than 60 minutes. They will all eat what I hope to be a delicious meal. All consuming flavors that make their tongues wanting more and filling up their belly's until they can barely think about every eating again.

In most instances not one of these guests has any idea how many hours went into this preparation. Please don't get me wrong the KB is not complaining. The KB is hear to educate in hopes of providing you with an appreciation of this meal we call Thanksgiving.

My meal has been in the planning stages for at least one month. First, the decision was made as to whether or not I would undertake this wonderful meal. After going back an forth the second big decision was who will have the pleasure of enjoying the fruits of the KB's labor. After much thought I decided it was going to be a very intimate meal to be enjoyed by myself, my partner, and the rest of the guests would be chosen by my housemate. After all she is my family and has her own extended family with whom she wanted to enjoy this day of thanks with. It just so happens that both of her guests are not American and don't celebrate this day, but maybe that is best as they will appreciate the food all that much more.

For weeks I have been reviewing the many magazines I received, looking over past meals, checking out articles in the food section of the newspaper, watching cooking demos on morning news programs, hoping to find just the right dishes to prepare for my feast. What can I do to make this a very unique and memorable turkey day. One that your mother didn't make for you growing up but a new Thanksgiving with a modern twist.

Sure there will be the turkey, stuffing, potato, vegetables and of course dessert. But who wants something that you can just go and pay $100 already prepared from Whole Foods. O.k. so maybe my meal isn't so unique but you be the judge:

• Pomegranate martinis
• Roasted chestnuts with cumin salt
• Butternut squash and apple soup
• Wild mushroom stuffing
• Port wine gravy
• Herb roasted Willie Bird (http://www.williebird.com/) brined of course
• Mashed potatoes with sour cream, horseradish and chives
• Sweet potatoe sticks
• Roasted organic cauliflower with lemon mustard sauce
• Grated roasted Brussels spouts with Parmesan and hazelnut
• Petite peas with roasted mushrooms and shallots
• Cranberry and kumquat relish
• Dinner rolls
• Mini pumpkin cheese cakes with cinnamon cream
• Rum raisin apple pie

It is now three days before the big day and only one more trip to the grocery store is necessary. Most all the ingredients were purchased over the weekend by going to the local farmers market. The turkey will be picked up at the local Deli on Wednesday to then be plunged into a large brine mixture in hopes of retaining the moistness that most childhood turkeys lacked. (Well then again we always had Butterball with the little pop up thermometer.)

The linens have all been picked out and purchased, this took two trips to the store because the first cloth was too small, and then the napkins weren't to my liking so the entire look was changed. They now only have to be washed and ironed. The flowers will be purchased on Tuesday morning and put together for centerpieces that evening. If all goes well the meal preparations will begin on Tuesday night and continue right up until the guests arrive. The goal is to not have too much to finish so that I may too enjoy my time with my guests.

I am fortunate to have a friend who works in the wine industry. I took a trip to Sonoma to pick up the wine that will accompany my meal. I choose a 2004 Pinot Noir from Sonoma County. It is from Chateau St. Jean. Yet another fabulous wine from this vineyard. I have also purchased a white for those who still think you can't have red with turkey.

As you can see there is lots of time spent on the details of the meal. It isn't just something you can throw together. When the KB plans a meal of the importance there is lots of love that goes into it. So the next time you enjoy a meal prepared by someone else, take a moment and really appreciate the effort which was put into that work of art you are about to bite into. In most instances it wasn't just the preparation but the planning of every detail. And for those of you who pay to have a meal of this nature catered you will now understand why you are paying a bit more than you expected, it just isn't about the ingredients.

Gobble Gobble from KB!

Food glorious food

It's everywhere, on tv, in my newspaper, in my bedroom, in the hallway, on the coffee table, in the kitchen and even in my bathroom. What am I talking about? Food writing. I am obsessed with food writing. I subscribe to the following magazines:

• Gourmet
• Sauveur
• Food & Wine
• Bon Apetite
• Cooks Illustrated

Additionally I receive every culinary catalogue known to man kind:

• Sur La Table
• Crate & Barrel
• Williams & Sonoma
• Napa Style
• Chefs Catalogue
• Spices
• Country Kitchen
• Omaha Steaks
• Stonewall Kitchen

And I can't even begin to discuss my obsession with cook books. I haven't counted them last but I would say there are about 125 cookbooks on my packed book shelf and now spilling over onto the dining room side table and my bedroom.

My roommate never questions it but I know she must be sick of the stacks on the coffee table, or the packages that arrive and wondering why I need yet another cookbook. Well let me explain:

As long as I can remember I have loved everything about food. I enjoy going into the grocery store, cooking shops, new restaurants, old restaurants, street food vendors etc. I have dreamed about what I can do with this passion of mine. I even went to culinary school and spent $40,000 that I am desperately trying to pay back. But what have I done with it nothing? My cookbooks and magazines provide me with that fulfillment. They bring me to another world. When my day is bad or I want to fantasize I escape into my private world of food. My fantasy world. I am that person in the Bon Appetite traveling and writing about the joys of White Truffles from Italy. I am the person making an elegant dinner for friends. I am that person testing out the newest All-Clad pan. I can have the most shitty day and my fantasy world takes me to another place.

For example, this week I was told I can't finish the final stages of my teeth implants due to the lack of $2,500 (You may be thinking if you didn't spend so much on your books, magazines and food you could have the money but don't because that is an ugly thought!) It has put me in a big funk. Not only has it become the bain of my existence but I was looking forward to having a party and making baby back ribs and corn on the cobs with Macintosh apples for dessert. I am tired of cutting everything up like they will do in about 30 years when I am in the hallway of some bad nursing home with a drool bib on waiting to be fed. I digress....

Every night of this bad week I would go home and look forward to my food writing. On my transit home I would dive into Ruth Reichl's Garlic and Sapphires http://www.reviewsofbooks.com/garlic_and_sapphires/ wishing to be her going from place to place in disguise. Upon arrival to my home I would hope there was a new culinary magazine, culinary catalogue or even a Safeway, Tower, Molley Stones or Cala flyer (I love seeing what is on sale and deciding if I have a new creation in my future, in fact I get angry when they get tossed out prior to me reading them). If nothing new arrives I always have my old magazines to review again and again, I know there is something I must have missed. This past week I decided to dust off an old Betty Crocker Cookbook, you know the one your mother had with the red and white checks. In it I found exactly what I was looking for, a simple recipe for Popovers. why popovers? I had very little in my refrigerator but I knew I had milk, eggs, butter and some Parmesan cheese. Immediately popovers came to mind. See how my mind works!

I took great delight in escaping into my kitchen banging out a simple popover recipe. Realizing I had a nice bottle of wine waiting I popped one open. Nothing goes better with popovers than a $90 bottle of Cinque Cepage
from Chateau St. Jean http://www.chateaustjean.com/stjean/home.jsp. Popovers aside drinking wine and sitting on the sofa flipping through my magazines while Rachel Ray makes yet another bad meal in 30 minutes (Heck she can make a full Thanksgiving meal in 60 minutes...she is becoming so annoying!)

I could go on and on. But you see what food literature does for me. I escape, I pretend, I dream. The next time you have a bad day, give it a try. A true foodie will understand.

If it calms the KITCHEN BITCH then it can work for anyone!

Celery - It isn't just for mirepoix anymore!

Finally, I did it! After bringing home the most beautiful stalk of celery imaginable I chopped off the ends and put it into a vase of water to help keep it fresh. It sat so proudly on the center island. Looking at it you had to wonder what kind of plant was growing, but after one quick whif you knew in an instant!

Sometimes the most simple recipes can taste the best. I think that is because we are not disguising the core ingredient and using it as close to it's purest form as possible. Although I will admit I may have over done it on the cayenne and as a result have adjusted my recipe accordingly.

The goal of choosing my ingredients was to keep the refreshing flavor of the celery while providing just a hint of heat that you could feel on both the front and back of the mouth. The front of the mouth heat is from the crouton and cayenne garnish, while the heat at the back of the mouth was from the slight pinch of cayenne in the bisque itself.

In the below recipe I have adjusted for my mistake. I would either not put cayenne into the bisque itself as there is plenty of pepper in the crouton and creme fraiche or just add a bit extra black pepper in the bisque. Just don't overpower the wonderful velvety fresh flavor of the celery.

Here is my attempt at Celery Bisque.

Celery Bisque (yields 4 servings)

3 T butter
4 C sliced celery (about 8 stalks)
1 1/2 C chopped leeks (white and pale green parts only; from 2 medium)
3/4 lb Yukon Gold potatoes potatoes, peeled, diced (or substitute with parsnips)
4 C (or more) low-salt chicken broth or vegetable broth
1/3 C plus additional creme faraiche or sour cream
1/4 t cayenne pepper

Chopped fresh celery leaves(optional)

Black pepper croutons (see below recipe)
Cayenne creme fraiche/sour cream - (whisk together to desired taste)

Preparation Instructions:

Melt butter in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add celery and leeks. Saute until celery is slightly softened, about 4 minutes. Add potatoes and 4 cups broth. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer, uncovered, until all vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes. Working in batches, puree soup in blender until smooth. Return to same pot. Whisk in 1/3 cup creme fraiche/sour cream. Season soup to taste with salt and pepper. (Can be prepared 2 days ahead. Cool, then cover and refrigerate. Rewarm over medium heat before serving, adding more broth to thin if desired.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Swirl 1 to 2 teaspoons additional cayenne creme fraiche/sour cream into each. Sprinkle with celery leaves and top with black pepper croutons.

Note: if you omit the croutons and cayenne swirl then you may want to add some cayenne directly into the soup to taste. Do not over power the celery flavor.

*Black Pepper Croutons

1/4 C (1/2 stick) butter
3 C 1/2-inch cubes crust less sourdough bread (about 8 oz)
1 t coarsely cracked black pepper

Melt butter in heavy large skillet over medium heat. Add bread and pepper and stir to coat. Saute until croutons are golden and crisp on all sides, stirring occasionally, about 12 minutes. Sprinkle with salt. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cool completely; store airtight at room temperature.)

My Panic Room

Ah the smell of morning coffee. There is nothing like my morning ritual. Wake up, stumble down the hallway in my sleeping garb, hair all awry and sticking up (much like the way SF men pain stakingly style theirs each morning before they go out for the day) the feeling of plush carpeting on my bare feet as I make my way to the source of the coffee aroma. I know instantly when I reach the kitchen because of the slightly shocking feeling of the cold from the hardwood flooring.

However this day the shock suddenly turns to horror. Some foreign object begins to penetrate the pads of my feet, much like the way pebbles do at the beach. I look down only to realize that feeling is caused from what appears to be the familiar sight of small micro grains of whole wheat bread.

I shouldn't be surprised. This is a common occurrence in my household. You see these grains made their way to the floor from an act of cleaning. (all with good intentions of course) Each morning the center island is turned into a sandwich production counter. Two slices of bread are slapped down on the counter, with no barrier between them and the counter surface. The production begins with a smattering of mayonaise, then some meat and perhaps cheese, and in some instances the marble cutting board across from the island is used to slice tomatoes only to have the seeds left remaining to be found at a later time. Once the sandwhich is finished the clean up begins. Within reach is a soggy sponge that will soon be passed across the surface of the the sandwich production station with the intent to make it sparkle. What really happens is that the crumbs are ever so gently sent plummeting to the hardwood below only to be cleaned up with the soles of my feet. (Thankfully the tomatoes seeds and their juices remain in place on the marble cutting board and don't make their way to the confines of the floor.)

My kitchen is my "PANIC ROOM". It is the place I go to in order to escape the outside world and feel safe. Nothing should violate this space, especially not a crumb. Cleaning a kitchen is essential. Let me tell you about a few ways you can make your "PANIC ROOM" into the safe haven it should be.

Sponges - they are a breeding ground for germs. They do have their place in the kitchen. Ideally the shouldn't be used to clean up the counters and then used to wash dishes. However, realizing this isn't a reality it is important to change your sponge often or to minimize the germs run it through the dishwasher or zap it in the microwave for two minutes. Remember no sponge is 100% germ free.

Drip pans - these are the little metal devises under the burners of the stove. They are meant to catch any small drips that occur when you are cooking. They too need to be treated like a pan. Each time you cook not only wash the pan you were using but take the time and clean the drip pan. Remove them, scrub them if necessary, put them through the dishwasher and make them shine. It will eventually become a ritual and you will be happy you did it!

Stove top - yes the drip pans catch some of your overflow, but what happens when you make that "coca cola cake" and the batter over flows and disappears (more about this cake in another blog)? You think that little drip pan will catch it all? No you need to lift up that stove top and realize the overflow goes underneath. Yes that is where you will find the bits of pasta from the last tenant in the apartment or the grease from your bacon breakfast and that residue of starch from the overflowing Thanksgiving potatoes. Take the time and give it a good cleaning and periodically check back, you will never know what you may find.

Handles - ah yes have you ever taken a look at your refrigerator door handle, really take a look at it. Yes that is chicken juice and barbecue sauce and who knows what else. Disenfect often. Handles to cabinets, stoves, microwaves and refrigerators need to be disenfected.

Ovens - if you are fortunate to have a self cleaning oven you have your work cut out for you. One night before you go to bed put it on self clean and in the morning all the work is done. If you don't have a self cleaning oven, get yourself a maid.

Paper towels - they are your kitchen friend. Yes I know there is the whole "green" kitchen things but hey they help to eliminate the spread of germs. I would rather have a trash can filled with paper towels than spread salmonella to myself or my guests. How often have you seen someone use a cloth kitchen towel to wipe their hands and then 10 minutes later they are using the same towel to dry dishes. When in doubt use paper towel!

These are just a few of my thoughts on how you can make your own little "PANIC ROOM" the safe haven it should be. For more information: http://www.echominnesota.org/pdf/resource/HomeKitchenHazard.pdf

Celery Bisque vs. Cream of Celery Soup

Fall in San Francisco isn't like any other city. When everyone else is waiting for frost we wait for Indian summer. And more often than not this city doesn't fail! It was during one of these great fall days in San Francisco when I decided to take a walk to the SF Ferry Building farmer's market.

Tuesday at the farmers market is a bit different than Saturday. Thursday you find many of the bridge and tunnel crowd, the young business type who would never be at the market on a Saturday because they are still recouping from that after work binge that won't allow them out of bed. This is a good day to go if you want to avoid too many people and still enjoy the wonderful seasonal morsels of goodness the farmers have to offer.

It was on this day when I walked past a stand where there were piles upon piles of the most beautiful celery I have every seen. I know you are saying how boring, celery. But this was like no other. It was cut fresh that morning, the green was very vibrant, the leaves were those of a small bush and the scent of celery overpowered all the other produce around it. I had to buy it, and at $2 a bunch it was cheaper than Whole Foods or the crappy little celery I would find in Bell Market my local supermarket.

Most of us think of celery as just something we add to mirepoix or stuff with peanut butter, cream cheese or put on a crudité platter. But celery is under appreciated in my opinion. I knew immediately I was going to make some variation of soup with my recent purchase. I recently saw in cold celery soup (http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/a-chefs-first-thanksgiving) created by my favorite chef from Boston, Barbara Lynch, who owns No.9 Park (www.no9park.com). As fabulous as her soup sounded, I knew I could come up with something on my own.

In my 20 minute walk from the ferry building to my office I came up with the following concept:

Celery Bisque with a swirl of cayenne creamy fraiche topped with black pepper croutons and a chiffonade of celery leaves.

I am still trying out the recipe and will post my complete results another time. So getting back to my main purpose for this entry.

When arriving back to my office my coworkers wondered what plant I had in my bag only to find out I bought a beautiful specimen of a celery stalk.

Then the question was posed "What are you going to do with this celery?" I told them about my celery bisque. That then begged the question "What is the difference between a celery bisque and a cream of celery soup?"

I was embarrassed to say that I could not come up with the perfect answer. I attended culinary school over three years ago and was very sure I should know this difference but quite honestly I could not come up with the answer.

That evening I was so frustrated with myself for not knowing so I had to do some investigation. Here is what I found:

Bisque: Typically is a pureed food but the thickener is some sort of starch such as a potato or bread and can be finished off with cream.

Cream Soup: Also can be a priority food but the thickener is a béchamel sauce.

So there you have it folks the first cooking 101 lesson from "A Day in the life of a Kitchen Bitch"